How to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language

If you genuinely want to have a successful marriage, it is essential that you can be on the same page with your spouse regarding your thoughts, feelings, and core belief systems about family and love. You can only do this through constant communication and companionship.

However, because of your busy schedules with work and life in general, it is quite inevitable for you to have failures in understanding from time to time. This is why you would have to develop the ability to speak your partner’s love language much more often.

This way, you will be able to understand your partner even more and vice versa. Fortunately, this article can help you discover the specific love language is and how it can be applied to your relationship with your spouse regularly.

Aside from the tips provided here, we also recommend that you read up on the specific love languages through this book: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. It will give you fantastic tips on how to improve your relationship and make it last a lifetime.

What Is My Partner’s Love Language

There are quite a lot of ways to effectively communicate with your partner. It is just a matter of figuring out the specific types of communication tools to make him or her more open to sharing thoughts and feelings with you.

How will you be able to figure it out? By spending time with your partner or spouse. Being with this person will give you the time to observe and learn what makes your partner tick in terms of the love languages.

According to research, there are five primary love languages that you can use to let your spouse know of your long-lasting affection towards him or her. These are as follows:

Words of Affirmation

Some people always need to hear words of affirmation such as “I love you” from their partners or the people closest to them. This allows them to feel loved and appreciated much more so than other individuals.

This will be further discussed later on in the article.

Quality Time

Spending quality time with your spouse can help you develop the relationship even more so than before. By spending time with him or her, you essentially let them know that you will always be there for them no matter what.

It is also part of keeping your promise to be there for your partner in sickness and health, for richer or poorer. How will you be able to spend quality time with your spouse amidst your busy schedule? You will find out the answers later on in the article.

Receiving Gifts

Certain individuals appreciate being given attention through gifts. If your partner is this way, you can assure her of your love and loyalty by giving her gifts and souvenirs during the most critical locations in your life together.

Most of the time, people who appreciate gifts tend to give it themselves. Expect this from your spouse if this operates as his love language.

Acts of Service

On the other hand, if gifts do not work on your partner, perhaps it would be better for you to offer your help whenever you can. These little acts of service are far more effective manifestations of love for some people compared to gifts.

Make sure to do this regularly, and you will have made significant improvements in your relationship already.

Physical Touch

Some women and even men appreciate being outdoor embrace the even more so than any other expression of love their partners can give. If you feel that this is your spouse’s love language, it would be best for you to have this as your way of communicating with your spouse often.

Get her or him an affectionate kiss every morning and hug him or her before going to bed at night. This will make your partner even more open to talking to you and sharing his or her thoughts without impediment right away.

How to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language

You can learn to speak your partner’s love language by following specific tips. Each tip will be discussed below per the individual love languages customarily used.

Words of Affirmation

You have to make sure that you tell him or her how much you genuinely care. Do not just do it verbally. Write letters and notes every day. Sending her flowers with sweet messages or even greeting her with a simple “Good Morning!” every day will also do the trick.

You can also give compliments to your partner every day. Just make sure to be as honest as possible when giving her compliments. Backhanded compliments will be the death of your relationship.

In addition to this, you should never forget to greet your partner during special occasions such as birthdays or anniversaries. For the person who likes to hear words of affirmation, grand gestures and gifts are not necessary. Just a simple greeting will do wonders in building trust and keeping the flame of love alive.

On the other hand, if you have a partner that has a different love language than your own, you can combine the two and make it an even more effective gesture of love in the process. Making this combination will be discussed later on in the next section.

Quality Time

One way for you to make a partner who loves spending time with you happy would be to travel with her or him whenever you can. Going on vacation with your partner or your family for that matter can definitely improve the relationship tenfold.

You can also invite your friends over for a party whenever there’s a special occasion. This way, you can both spend time with your partner and your friends in one go.

If you have the money to spend, you can always take her out on it the night every occasionally. This way, you will have some alone time with your partner.

If you don’t have money to spend traveling or going on a date, you can just have movie nights at home with the family. You can also have quiet dinners at home with your family or alone with your spouse if you want.

Receiving Gifts

You do not need to buy expensive gifts. Handcrafted items with your personal touch can do the trick. For example, if you know how to crochet or do some cross stitching, you can do this and present it to your partner.

You can also buy some of her favorite stuff at bargain prices. The monetary value is not essential. The physical gifts count.

However, if you can afford it, why not buy her something that she wants for her birthday or your anniversary no matter what the price. People who love receiving gifts will appreciate the effort that you put into going out of your way to shop for something specific.

It shows them that you listen to what they want and need and are ready to give it whenever you can.

Taking care of the bills is also one way of showing your love for your partner. Consider it a gift for him or her to have the bills regularly paid on time.

Acts of Service

If you know how to cook, it doesn’t matter if you are the husband or the wife. You can show your love through food. Another act of service that you can get your partner would be to make sure that the house is taken care of every day.

This will let your spouse know that you care about his or her well-being. In addition to this, caring for her or him whenever she is sick will show your love in a much more tangible way. The important thing here is that you are ready to give your partner some nourishment whenever he needs it.

Another way for you to serve your partner would be to make sure that you make his work life easier for him. Take an interest in his work, and help him out whenever you can. This will allow you to be part of his professional world while keeping your own identity as an individual.

You can also make sure to get all of his or her things ready for work if you are not familiar with what he does professionally. Of course, you can always ask him or her how you can help. Your spouse will surely appreciate the gesture.

Physical Touch

Being able to satisfy your partner’s physical needs can go a long way in making sure that he or she feels loved.

Your soft caress, a simple kiss on the cheek, or a tight embrace can undoubtedly make your partner feel attractive and appreciated. This holds especially if you have already been married for quite some time now.

You can always initiate lovemaking as well to show him or her that you appreciate who your partner is as a man or woman. According to some experts, sex is one of the best ways for people to express their love for one another.

Your constant physical presence is also another way for you to show your love and appreciation for your spouse regularly. If you always find time to see him or her despite your busy schedule, your partner is undoubtedly bound to notice and will surely appreciate your effort.

When Your Spouse Refuses to Speak Your Love Language

Sometimes, despite one’s best efforts, they still end up not being able to communicate with their partner well in terms of affection. If this happens, it is high time for you to go back to the drawing board and figure out how you can learn your spouse’s love language.

It may be that your spouse’s love language is different from your own. What may be right for you may not be suitable for her or vice versa. In this case, it is vital that you can learn the specifics of your partner’s love language.

If your partner wants you to tell her how much you love her, do it. If your partner appreciates gifts, you should make it a point to spend some money on something that he or she would want even just on special occasions.

The most important thing is that you can determine what kind of love language you ought to use to make the relationship work. If he or she refuses to speak to you about it, do not hesitate to ask for outside help. Seek marriage counseling or talk to other members of the family to help you understand your spouse better.

It is important to let him know what you want as well. Love is always a two-way street. You can’t just keep giving or taking. You would have to be in constant communication with your partner even through the trying times.


Once you can figure out your partner’s love language, make sure that you always show that you care and appreciate them even when it is difficult to do so. Loving someone even if they are unlovable at times can be a testament to your commitment to the relationship and marriage itself.

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